Wednesday, December 21, 2011

5 Things {NOT} To Say To A Pregnant Lady

5. You're not going to find out the sex of your unborn child?  How will you ever bond with babe?  Because, obviously, if one does not have 20weeks (or so) of gestating to revel in knowing the sex of their unborn child, they cannot possibly bond & love said child once they are born.  Yep, that's as dumb as it sounds (and no, I'm not making this shit up... someone actually said this [not to me, because obviously they were smarter than that])

4.  You're going to find out the sex of your unborn child!  You're ruining that surprise moment after you've delivered babe, why would you do that?!?!  It's a surprise no matter when you find out, whether it's at (approximately) your 20 week ultrasound, or when you settle babe on your chest for the first time.  This is such a personal choice, that it would be wonderful if those not involved in the decision (i.e. the parents of the unborn child) would just keep their opinions to themselves.  Another thing to keep in mind, ultrasounds are not 100%, so you might spend half of your pregnancy joyously expecting a Johnny and out pops a Suzie (or vice versa).  So knowing, doesn't necessarily mean knowing.

3.  You think you're tired now, just wait until baby arrives!  (or "Get as much sleep now as possible... ").  These bug me for numerous reasons (even though I'm so guilty of spewing this absolute stupidity).  Why on earth do we feel the need (basically) say "Yeah, you feel like ass now... just wait you'll feel like dead ass soon".  Because that obviously makes one giddy with excitement, the thought of feeling like dead ass.  As for the "Get as much sleep as possible now", ugh... I don't know about you, but I don't have a battery to store my extra sleep (although, if someone came up with that shit... I'd totally buy it).  So, yes... rest as much as possible... because your body is doing an amazing thing (creating a life) and it's exhausting!... but don't count on the extra sleep carrying over to the (possible) sleepless night post-baby.

2.  You're how far along?  That's impossible, you're so TINY!  Okay, at any other moment a woman would dream of hearing how slender they were... but now, now is not a good time.  99% of women do not consider it a compliment to be called TINY whilst 8-9mos (just about ready to birth) pregnant... some women will find this downright alarming (are they carrying "small" because something is wrong?!?!) and do you want to be responsible for causing a pregnant women angst, do you?

1.  You're how far along?  But, but, you're HUGE!  Okay, if a woman doesn't want to hear about how tiny she is whilst pregnant... guess what, she doesn't want to feel like a beached whale either.  Because really, who wants to hear how HUGE they are... really, who?  Whenever a friend tells me that someone has said this to them (the "Oh my GAWD you're so big"), I want to reach out and touch them (the asshole who basically called them fat [oh and by touch them, I totally mean Cooter Kick them, followed by a quick succession of throat punches]) because seriously, how freaking stupid can you be... I'll say it again, who the hell wants to be called HUGE... who?!?!

Basically, use your common sense (hardi-har-har, I know... common sense is so rare these days), when in doubt follow the age old rule of "if you don't have anything nice to say, than don't say anything at all".

Oh and just to clarify, to those that know me in the real world... this is not my cheeky way of saying I'm up the stump.  I'm not.  Honest.  I just have some wonderful preggo friends that have shared to STUPID things people say to them...

1 comment:

  1. har har har
    I was going to ask if you were preggo yet.... but then I read the end.

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